Rhama's Flowers

The busy fairy Rhama was known throughout the land as a fairy who could get a job done.  She was also very intelligent, and was considered one of the more beautiful of the fairies – as her larger than average wings would glitter like sparling clusters of diamonds, particularly at night and under the direct glow of the bright moon.  Why the harvest moon itself would make Rhama’s wings glow like a jack o’lantern set ablaze.

She attributed her intelligence and beauty to her work, and one of the things she loved to do was to plant flowers and berries in her garden.

One particularly beautiful spring morning she decided to plant a flower garden that would make the whole forest sparkle.  She gathered seeds that she bought and saved for seasons, and some were very old and rare.  She dug up her garden and tilled the soil.  Eyes watched her from in the dark of the forest.  Next, Rhama lovingly placed the seeds in their planned out spots and built trellises so that they would grow tall.  Eyes and whispers came from the forest.  She paid no mind.  Then Rhama sprinkled the ground with dew and some dust from her wings, and then she waited.

It took many weeks but the flowers began poke through the well-manicured garden.  Rhama smiled and flitted about, pulling up weeds and watering and sprinkling dust where she could.

Soon, the flowers began to grow, and as they grew and bloomed, the forest came alive as colorful birds and busy little bees came by.

One day, after feeling very pleased with her work, Rhama decided visit the berry farmer, to purchase some malloberries for a pie.  She picked some of her beautiful flowers to give to the farmer in exchange.

While she was gone, the eyes that watched her from the forest appeared once again.  They were fairies as well, but they were grey and their faces though full and round were very plain and miserable.  Slowly and deliberately, these grey fairies picked Rhama’s flowers.

When Rhama with her hands full of berries, saw them.

“Get away from my flowers!”

And the grey fairies moved and fluttered away, but they yelled mean words to her.  Calling her selfish and greedy.

One day, after Rhama had trimmed and fed the flowers, there was a knock at her door.  A fat fairy stood with his wings held wide behind him.

Rhama answered the door, and when she did the smell of her malloberry pie wafted through the door after her.

“I represent the fairies you chased off of this property.  They demand those flowers!”

“Why?  They did not lift a single finger to help me.  They did not save a single seed.  They did not ask for them before they took them.  Why should I give them my flowers?”

“Because, like you, they are part of the forest.  And it is part of a new forest mandate.”

Behind the fat fairy, the greys took all they could and flitted back to the forest.  By the time they were gone, all of the flowers had gone with them – leaving Rhama with nothing.  Her pie was gone as well, the fat fairy turned with a smileful of malloberry pie.  He tipped his hat and went off in pursuit of the greys.

The following year, Rhama stood in her garden.  Weeds had poked through the dried up ground.  She was no longer pretty and her wings had grown withered and gray.  And as the eyes watched from the surroundings Rhama decided to never plant another garden again.

Dog Day's Springtime Happy Poo... and Other Hilarious Names Probably Used for Japanese TV Shows

It could have been one of those perfect days.
 I just came back from one great motorcycle ride through a misty morning and into an absolutely picture perfect afternoon.  Sweeping backroads.  Seeing acquaintances at Miss Blue's Diner in Hundred, WV.  Hours of tantalizing fun and speed filled meditation.
I came home and our daughter was already bathed - and she greeted me with one of those Hallmark runs down the hallway that always gets my heart thumping warmly.  My wife had one of those sunshine smiles that causes global warming. 
I was tired, but for this I could blow the stink off and keep my eyes wide open for as long as they could stand it.
The plans were simple enough: shower, eat a nice dinner, watch a fun kid's movie, put our little girl to bed and then Kristi and I could have the evening to ourselves - to look into each other's eyes and giggle over a glass or two of wine.
Our daughter made the family decision, and understanding that she was perfect that day, we allowed for it. She wanted for us all to go for a walk around the neighborhood - including of course Madison, our dog.  The movie was okay, but a perfect finish to a perfect day sounded great.
Now, I have never been nervous about taking both Madison and our little girl out around the neighborhood just by ourselves, though Kristi will not do it.  So all of us together made complete sense. 
It could have been one of those perfect days.
Taking Madison out for a walk, when there are a million scents in the air is more like taking her out for a sniff, it is a long, long mile.  Every blade of grass must be carefully analysed and then peed on.  Our daughter is about the same, minus the "spotting".
At one property (normally 20 seconds from our front door to reach) a big, chocolate brown lab, somewhat disturbed came barreling out of the homeowner's front porch and is on Madison.  Madison's fur stood up like a fish dorsal fin, in protection mode; she is super-protective and does not get along with other dogs.
The owner, a BC overweight woman, came heavily bounding down her front porch.  She anxiously explained that she didn't know how he got out of the house.  Drrrrrr.
We continued walking.  My normal scowl, which Kristi recognizes right away, appeared as the two littlest Harpers needed to examine Spring, in the slowest form ever. 
I pulled Madison.  And our daughter did not want to walk anymore, and did not want to go home either - ah - the great toddler mind. 
On the Atlantic Avenue, a nicer part of our neighborhood, we continued.  We passed by one fella, who his garage door opened to reveal a garage that was more crammed with crap than our own.  I commented. 
As we moved on.  The following house had recently been gutted and the remains of the garbage sat regally out on the owner's front lawn for all to gaze upon.  The owners and friends drank out on the back porch overlooking the Ohio River, when suddenly a doberman pinscher came bounding out to the front yard in full battle mode.
Now, Madison is 40 pouinds of friendly, but you get that "dorsal fin" up, and all bets are off. 
The doberman and Madison are at it.  One lady, BC large, came running out of the backyard, I am certain she handed her Ir'n City off to one of the "men" in the backyard, who either could not be bothered or were filming.
"My dog is friendly."
My dog is not!
The "friendly" dog grabbed the back of Maddie's neck, which is a thickly furred mane of hair.  Kristi threw our daughter up on her shoulders.  I farted around excitedly trying to retract the stupid "autoleash retracting thingamabob".  Grace had allowed our dog to not only break free of the "friendly" doberman's jaws but she sank her teeth into its neck. 
Now, I know better than to get in between two fur-flying mongrels, but I grabbed the doberman by the back of the head, and I drove it with my knee to the cement sidewalk, so that the owner in all of her sobriety could grab it. 
We walked away very quickly with this woman staring angrily at us.
Kristi used language that I never heard from her mouth before.
Our daughter crossed Atlantic, with absolutely no regard for any traffic, and this got me growling - as I am still in adrenalized defense mode.  (Ladies, if your man is in adrenalized defense mode, please, give him a beer and say nothing, he will be scowling for days otherwise.)
And Maddie, shook and forgot all about it.  As though nothing happened.
Here's the ridiculousness in summary:  Hours of really awesome fun, crescendoing to a welcome home filled with pomp that only kings should be lucky enough to receive, smiles, sunshine - and 1 tiny minute of turd to ruin it all.

I should have been a dog.

My Fragmented Life

Cliches are not my cup of tea, but there is one that has been routinely been brought to my attention and not by anyone other than myself;  Everyone has the same 24 hours by which to live.
You can't help but grasp the obvious truth of this statement right away.  Heck, you and I share the same moon - how about that?
Lately, I have been on a mission to bitch and moan to everyone my situation of needing a vacation, more time to write, more time to exercise, to ride my motorcycle, to hang out with my wife, to play with my daughter, to sleep in, to cut the arfing grass, only after scraping up dog waste, to plant the garden for some fresh vegetables and fruits, to read the Bible - and the list continues.  I hit upon all of these things, but in sporadic spoonfuls, whenever I can.  And in this, my owner/operator/manager side at the cafe has suffered; I am just plain ol' burned out and that's dangerous because the cafe, and to my surprise not my writing or acting capabilities is what is paying the bills -keeping food on the table.
It's hard.  It's not cancer hard.  And I am truly blessed.
I should be content, and I am not.  I do not understand contentment.  The actual term I get, but what am I to do with my ambitions, or for that matter my garage, which is straight out of the scene of a disaster film.
Am I to be satisfied with my lot?  Should I be out there just selfishly stealing more time from what is truly important?  And for that matter how do I know what is truly important?  I have priorities, and bothering with the details is nuts, and they do not not grant me an income (yet).
Our daughter is three; three is the most important dad year for her, and then there are those ambitions.  They are curses.  Ambitions are curses.
"I aspire to be a (whatever)." does not equal "I want to aspire to be a (unattainable and very retarded goal that would be detrimental to every relationship I have ever had, and I will pay dearly should you ever attempt, so I should stop and just go back to work, loser.)
Yeah, I talk to myself like this alot.  It's funny, but I would never talk to anyone like this, even if it were true, then again I am my own worst enemy. 
The truth is this - I lack focus. 
Snipers have some serious focus, but have them run from spot to spot, and then shell them, and drop them off in a territory that they do not know at all, and remove all communication, clothing, and give them a lens that has been scratched, and I believe that they would have a hell of a time focusing.  Now, I am no sniper, and I am not trying overcome world wide catastrophes, but man I need some friggin' focus.  You can tell who has it - confidence, clarity about the goal - I want that. 
My lowly income would be worth it, if I could get a little bit.  I could earn a little more, but I am just so fragmented and disorganized.
Help! 

The Strawberry Patch

Once upon a time there lived a lovely and very energetic princess named Fiona.  Princess Fiona was the love and joy of the king and king, as she was their only daughter, making her the heiress to the kingdom. 
'Twas on one particularly summery day, when the sun was blazing brightly overhead that Princess Fiona and ten of her closest of friends were playing a frenzied game of running and catching.  And for the longest time the children, including the princess, sprinted about without a moment for a cool drink and a quick rest.  As they played and screamed for joy, their faces became as bright red as ripened strawberries.
The queen recognizing that the children were surely exhausting themselves called to the children asking them to enjoy a cool glass from a pitcher of freshly made tea, but the children, ever so excited to be in the hot sunshine ignored the queen's request and continued running about the garden.
Under the summer sun, as their skin became the color of strawberries, beads of sweat poked onto their hot, dirty skin.  They were the very shape of the tiny seeds found on strawberries.  The queen noticed, and became very wary of the welfare of the children, and called them in to rest, but the children refused to listen. 
The children continued under the hot summer sun, which began to wane into the western sky, and it was not long before the queen and the king noticed that the tops of the childrens' heads had turned a bright green.  Now the king, being most stern in the keeping of his good daughter, called to her in his loving and booming voice, "Princess Fiona!  It is time to come in!  This instant!"
And the princess, looking ever more like a strawberry fruit, ran to her father, the king, as her friends continued to play.
"Why must I stop playing, while they are permitted to continue?  I am the princess."
"We are your parents and we love you."
Princess Fiona grumbled as she sipped on the cold glass of tea, as her friends continued to scream and run outside.  The green top of her head returned to the light brown that she had been given at birth.  In her bath she groaned as the noises outside continued, and the seeds of sweat floated away.  And though she growled about resting, laying down in her bed, with noises outside not fading as the western setting sun, her skin returned to its golden hue.
When she awoke, the garden outside was quiet but for the nightingale singing its sweet song.  The king and queen took her gently by the hand and led her into the garden.  Much to everyone's pleasant surprise, they discovered a beautiful patch of ripened strawberries in the garden.  They were red and looked ready to pop, and Princess Fiona begged the king and queen for a wonderful snack - to which they agreed.  They allowed her to pick all ten of the strawberries.
She placed them in a bowl and her parents brought to her a bowl of fresh cream.
"What do you suppose happened to your friends?" 
Princess Fiona smiled as she placed the first one into her mouth.  It made her fingers and lips red and sticky sweet.
"I can not say father, but I do surely wish that they had stayed so that I might share these strawberries with them."
FIN

When 2 = 1 + 1 + Variable and the Art of Fragmented Romance in Marriage

I remember her walking up to me in church and introducing herself.  It is hard to say what preempted her wanting to meet me, but probably some stagy-shinanigans.  She mentioned that she had seen my name in the church bulletin, and recognized it as someone from her past.  When she walked up to me, I knew who she was, because my mom had sent me a newspaper clipping regarding her story: "Executive Returns to Her Roots to Make Kolaches".  I won't say that this is what brought me back to Pennsylvania from NYC and Japan, but it was not long after that I did just that.
"You're Hugh Harper.  I'm..."
"I know who you are."
I was not interested in this beautiful woman.  No, I had experienced quite enough.  I wanted to ride my motorcycle into the sunset alone.  I remember praying about it.
Be warned though folks; when you say things in a prayer like, "Thy will be done."  It will be.
So, the next day, I look up her shop in Beaver - this Cafe Kolache place.
"Sounds girly"
I called her and asked her if we could talk. 
And the next day, I stopped down on my motorcycle.  We sat for two hours and talked and laughed.
We courted.  I trained her to hike Pike's Peak.  Brady's Run has our Kissing Rock, and everytime - even today when we hike up there, we stop for a nice long smooch.
Oh yeah...  We got married. 
About, 5 months after we started, I knew.  I glanced over to her while driving at night and she was fast asleep in the car - her mouth was wide open.  It was a sight.  I wanted her right then.  And I had a little ring in my glove box waiting.
Thy will be done indeed.
It is funny how plans are made and changed.  Sometimes they change in the blink of an eye, and others, like a glacier altering the landscape - a long-long time.  And I look back on my single life - that torturous past, those in some cases, heinous relationships, and then I take but only a glance at life now, even under the constant strains of the financial burdens of the business, the obligations, the mood-swings and the crazy three year-old, and those moments that can crush a man, as he would crush an empty beer can and I will never ever want to take back any of that so called freedom of the single life again.
I remember early into our marriage, our family doctor telling us that I was going to need an aortic valve replaced.  She had the fattest tears in her eyes, and I could tell what she was thinking:  "Great.  Defective husband."
I remember well, our attempts at having a baby.  All those appointments, and then her etopic pregnancy, and while waiting to hear that she was out of the operation, hearing my name get paged and the doctor telling me that it was a "real mess in there".  I thought I was going to die, when I thought that she might.
I remember those stars up around Oil City.  We walked outside with her eyes closed, and then she opened them to a blanket of stars.
I remember how ill-prepared we were for Abby.  My first migraine.  The absolute joy!
And now, we enter our sixth year of marriage.  The house, the finances, the cafe, our daughter, the dog, our folks, the world spinning on its axis.
I remember being asked what it was like working with my wife.  I said that it was a "scenario ripe for comedy", and while it may be true, we work well together, and we both go through good and bad times as we muddle our way through the business - and life.  I won't have it any other way.
I come up behind her, and give her a squeeze, and life, as always, in the way.
"Ahem, a little romance."
Okay.  Abby screams out something in the background.  The cafe calls.  The dog is itching her butt on the carpet.  The buzzer from the dryer goes off.  The fire alarm explodes.  Time is not complying with our demands.  I am in my smelly t-shirt and a pair of boxer-briefs.  She has not washed her hair in two days, and has "no sleep" wrinkles under her eyes.
And she wants romance?
It'll take some figuring, but I think I can do that.
"Kristi, I love you more now than I did then."

At La Casa d'Narcissi Winery some time last year - by motorcycle!

Your Husband.

Critics are Jerks (last install)

There are a group of fat, lazy, overly-opinionated, "still-living-at-home with mommy and daddy for friggin' free wanna be somethings, but are aggressively seeking a handout for their underemployed and under dressed selves" who take it upon themselves to find something that some other has done, and then wreck it with their careless, and carefree choice of words like a drunk behind the wheel of steamroller.
These "critics" are generally overemotional douches who frequently use generic words (sucks, terrible, luke-warm, garbage...) poor grammar and spelling in broad generalizations.  Here is an example:

• There muzic sux!

My response should be, "No, you suck!"
However, like mama always says, if you don't have anything nice to say...
The really fun thing to introduce to these losers is to have them actually attempt to accomplish the same thing and better it. 
Silence...
A very dear friend of mine harped continuously on how poor this movie was or that movie.  He also waxed on poetically about how poor some beers and wines were made.  This (pretentious gobblety-gook) got to to me.
"Star Wars sucked!  I must have seen it 20 times!"
Really?!  What sucked about it?
"Ummm.  Well, they only did it for the merchandising."
Really?!  Why don't you make one?
"What?"
A movie.  And I tell you what - when you can make a movie as loved by that many people, I will listen to your critiquing.

My friend, taking the challenge to heart, is at the top of his class in film production at the Savannah College of Art and Design.  He does not voice his opinion about how bad some movies are that Hollywood makes. 
Why?
He is too damn busy trying to make them himself.  Will he now grab my attention regarding what his form of expertise is?
Perhaps, but I hold to the idea that opinions are like bellybuttons - everyone's got one.
Another axiom to live by is "Those can - do!  Those who choose ignorance, become fat, lazy, overly-opinionated, "still-living-at-home with mommy and daddy for friggin' free wanna be somethings, but are aggressively seeking a handout for their underemployed and under dressed selves" who take it upon themselves to find something that some other has done, and then wreck it with their careless, and carefree choice of words like a drunk behind the wheel of steamroller douche-bags."
Remember this:  Just because you have the right to free speech doesn't mean you should exercise it everytime you fart.

So You Wanna be Rich and Famous...

This is in relation to a conversation I had with my agent.  She met me at a gig recently and we got to talking about the industry.
A little background. Without going into it sounding arrogant - I was and still am a professional performer - in music, theater, and film. 
What's a professional?  Someone who gets paid.  Period.
I can go on.  I won't.  The Lord has a means of making us all humble.  For teenagers and young adults who believe the apex of high art is twinkies and beefcakes playing fruity vampires and whatever else on the silver screen, this will be completely incomprehensible.
Here is the stark reality in numbers, and this is not meant to sway the young reader or the dreamer, because the world is full of them - including myself aspiring to be an author of not just any novel, but a classic as big as MobyDick, a motorcycle racer as fast as King Kenny Roberts, an actor of great renown of which there is not.
The reality is however, that while I may very have all of the traits of having these characteristics, the likelihood of ever becoming rich and famous is small.  And for you, perhaps even smaller and I have been wrong many time before.
By the numbers, using the very popular and often generous  80/20 rules:

• 80% of everyone would love to be rich and famous.
• 20% of those 80% doing something about it.
• 80% of those are involved in their craft and not making money.
• 80% of those who are not making money do not attend classes or seminars.
• 80% of those who do attend seminars in their crafts are socially awkward.
• 20% of those who are not believe they deserve to be rich and famous.
• 80% of those people, due largely to their egos never work in this town again.
• 20% of these people go back home to mama with their tails between their legs.
• 80% of the professionals keep doing it while working other jobs.
• 80% of those who do not are still living at home.
• 20% of these have accepted reality.
• 100% of the Universities that have advanced degrees in theater, film, literature, dance will never ever refund the tuition that the banks forked over to them on your behalf. 

Your stats are pretty crappy.  For that matter, so are mine. 
But the world is made of dreamers, and in order for those dreamers to live on, they must love what they do, and live humbly.  Be extraordinary.  Attend a class or two, and a seminar.  Do public and free stuff, because agents in all fields need to know that you are serious, knowing that you are "out there"