Surely, one must realize that our world - that is to say "human existence" - is a life dedicated to the preservation and evolution of convenience; a means by which this happens of course is through the very means by which one may read this essay, though quite antiquated by the rapidly approaching end of human contact. One can not go about the day without gawking at the expediency and clarity of applicable technology at everyone's senses - most of it not for the sake of betterment mankind, but of entertainments, personalized and bejeweled in apathetic discourse and avarice.
Formerly, part of the human fold was the respected aged-fellow, who spoke truths and tales to the young and naïve in the hopes of carrying them on to the next generations. He reminded them of the cycle of life, and warned them of the coming apathy - to steer away from the many faces. He spoke these in a soft deliberation and calmness – each word chosen wisely, a picture, animated and colorful to remember the darkness, which to some was the light. He taught the significance of the bonded tribe, of battles won and lost, of love and hate, of learning and ignorance, but as time progressed, the latter of each became more significant and more revered, and the aged-fellow, dribbling and weathered felt their cold embrace of indifference.
Sadly, the means by which it was shared - in a patriarch's voice or in gnarly-scribed text - with one's hands and experiences became far too difficult in both understanding and construct. And the darkness was vilified and made human, as though defeat were possible.
So they were built. Altars, made by the hands built by the hands of man to make light of the darkness; they were raised in parasite-filled palaces encrusted with millions of shining, tiny, glass trinkets and cheaply bred sycophants, designed to bleed the aged-fellow, who in turn was ushered away, placed in the wilds that no one ever visited, and left to rot. The altars of the many faces were traded for souls. They were given life through malleable roots, dressed in authority and jewels to breed more sycophants. They were sent to the comfortable asylums of the young and naïve, and were placed in little palaces constructed of regurgitated wood-pulp, abdicating the place where once sat the aged-fellow.
The tribes became smaller as the tales of old were altered and tailored for each. The tribes gathered daily. They knelt in front of the altars of the many faces, basking in the cool neon glow. They knelt on the soft tissues of animals they could not catch, and ate food they did not make. In provocative imagery, the altars of the many faces reminded the tribes of how insignificant and foolish the aged-fellow was. It instructed them to not miss a moment of discipleship; and so it came to pass that the altars of the many faces, reproduced and reproduced again. They were placed throughout various chambers of the asylums where the aged-fellow once visited.
“The fool.”
The altars of the many faces advised each tribe, now separated into small and separate selves, which were found in even smaller sterile chambers, to find and place worthless baubles as sacrifices around the chambers and themselves. The selves ostracized and separated from each tribe. They were ushered away. And the young and naïve selves were given authority in so much as they sacrificed their souls to each altar of the many faces.
The aged-fellow wept.
And so 'twas the altars of the many faces became brighter and more beguiling; the more the faces spoke, the more the young and naïve selves desired. Their commands grew more boisterous as demand called them to be. And with the same souls of the young and naïve selves, who were of certain no different, more were bargained for as the desires of each altar, for greater attention, became louder. Were one to move, the altars jealously noted, the less time could be devoted to them; this displeased the envious altars of the many faces. And they grew smaller, becoming prized idols, and they were lovingly embraced and worn as clothing by the young and naïve selves, who divided from each other - senses numbed by the neon glow.
And the aged-fellow watched.
All around the young and naïve selves, life – once spoken of in truths and tales by the aged-fellow - teemed wildly, but they could no longer see it nor did they desire to. Life now appeared to them as in a dream, where the realities, displayed by the altars, showed it untamed and dangerous; a place where the darkness lurked. It was most assuredly only seen from a safe and uncaring distance.
The aged-fellow, alone in the reality teeming with life, nestled in the wood, his face and hands, made by experience, furrowed, and his hair, the splendor of his struggle, a peppery-white. His eyes now dull; he built an outlawed fire for warmth, with a light, acrid smoke and flitting orange fire-flies that cracked from the fire billowing boldly into the sky.
“The fool.”
The darkness – far older and far wiser than the aged-fellow – witnessed this and came to pass over the reality; and never having enough to consume, the darkness took the outlawed fire, the wood, the teeming life, and the aged-fellow.
The altars of the many faces showed the passing darkness. It fascinated the young and naïve selves, who were assured by the altars that the darkness was yet another dream no different from the others they had seen.
But the darkness – far older and far wiser than the altars – witnessed this foolishness and came to pass over the young and naïve selves; and never having enough to consume, the darkness took the division, the neon-glow and the altars of the many faces.
Now in the wild reality, the young and naïve selves sat chilled by the northern cold. They discarded the altars, whose many faces were no longer. Finding warmth the closer they got to one another, they mourned and longed once more for the aged-fellow. The ashes of his outlawed fire fell coldly between their soft fingers.
And the darkness – aged and wise, and never having enough to consume took the young and naïve one by one.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Bear Attacks
There are those among us who are born to wear dungarees that have seen better days, and those who are not. Some of us enjoy the subtleties of a gentle decline in the fabric through everyday wear, while others seem to find a certain macabre pleasure in the deliberate practice of rapid erosion with either stone, brick or razor. And in the American culture, where immediate gratification and avarice are key, many aspire to purchase with plastic currency, pre-torn/worn and thusly ruined accessories and are willing to pay exorbitant amounts to so so.
Still others are simply in possession of these decrepit articles purely by accident; statistics show, there are an inordinate amount of dungarees that are being mangled by the common North American black, brown and grizzly bear (otherwise known as Ursus horribilis). Of course, as a result of these attacks the wearer of said article, generally is consumed, and what remains are used as bear markings, known as scat, which in turn warns fellow dungaree wearers not to tread unawares near those locations. It should also be noted that those who do indeed escape these horrific bear attacks, tend to suffer greatly with tragically frayed dungarees, which though very trendy in the fickle American Xer-subculture, are subsequently and prematurely rendered completely useless after only one wash cycle.
In a scientific case study provided by four regional community colleges - Spring of 2010, it was proven in at least 5 known triple-blind, double gold standard cases that bears became receptive to not digesting nudists. The case study involved interviewing nudist camp attendees, streakers, and exhibitionists. After interviewing two hundred fifty-seven nudist candidates, 5 overall were selected to have hidden cameras secretly placed in their environments. During the two year intensive study, no bears were seen, though one nudist was described as having "a very frisky kitten."
The lack of bear and bear-like activities, according to Rachel McCutchin, a recent associates degree recipient in veterinary sciences, proves that not wearing bluejeans in the presence of bears is a stunning discovery.
McCutchin then went on to say that should an actual bear approach any individual, that though the traditional methods of "lascivio mortuus" or "playing dead", may still be effective, dropping ones dungarees was by far the best means of deterring a bear attack. To prove that fact, McCutchin expressed her heartfelt gratitude to her alma mater and simply stated, "I am going to the Appalachian Trail, with my bluejeans and a camera."
That was some two months ago, and we are still anxiously awaiting physical proof from Ms. McCutchin.
Still others are simply in possession of these decrepit articles purely by accident; statistics show, there are an inordinate amount of dungarees that are being mangled by the common North American black, brown and grizzly bear (otherwise known as Ursus horribilis). Of course, as a result of these attacks the wearer of said article, generally is consumed, and what remains are used as bear markings, known as scat, which in turn warns fellow dungaree wearers not to tread unawares near those locations. It should also be noted that those who do indeed escape these horrific bear attacks, tend to suffer greatly with tragically frayed dungarees, which though very trendy in the fickle American Xer-subculture, are subsequently and prematurely rendered completely useless after only one wash cycle.
In a scientific case study provided by four regional community colleges - Spring of 2010, it was proven in at least 5 known triple-blind, double gold standard cases that bears became receptive to not digesting nudists. The case study involved interviewing nudist camp attendees, streakers, and exhibitionists. After interviewing two hundred fifty-seven nudist candidates, 5 overall were selected to have hidden cameras secretly placed in their environments. During the two year intensive study, no bears were seen, though one nudist was described as having "a very frisky kitten."
The lack of bear and bear-like activities, according to Rachel McCutchin, a recent associates degree recipient in veterinary sciences, proves that not wearing bluejeans in the presence of bears is a stunning discovery.
McCutchin then went on to say that should an actual bear approach any individual, that though the traditional methods of "lascivio mortuus" or "playing dead", may still be effective, dropping ones dungarees was by far the best means of deterring a bear attack. To prove that fact, McCutchin expressed her heartfelt gratitude to her alma mater and simply stated, "I am going to the Appalachian Trail, with my bluejeans and a camera."
That was some two months ago, and we are still anxiously awaiting physical proof from Ms. McCutchin.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I'll Take a Manhattan - Hold the Cherry Juice (redux)
Recently, I have had the ridiculous idea of backtracking some ideas of my debaucherous times in the city of NYC. Many of these moments are faded memories hidden behind some foggy residue of hedonism and what I like to refer to as Bohemianism. This is no attempt by myself to relive or glorify my past, but perhaps to gain some insight as to where my attitude on life came from. Many of these unremarkable pieces have no titles, and to stay true to their form, I will not label them, nor will I alter them entirely. Enjoy.
Incidentally, my handwriting is so bad that I may, though certainly not embellishing on what is original, may have to by no choice, have to alter some of the original context. Not editing, but guessing.
If you fall down from a glass ceiling, you break a metal floor.
Devil's eyes, an angel's heart can claim - no serenity.
Eventually, the persistent screams become surreal whispers.
Lies determined truths by judgemental farces,
and the burning steam is cracked by icy myths.
What is the person who should live though dead?
Where does my temporary casket lie, but in my broken bed?
Buried in some joke of freedom, I laugh myself to tears.
I burn my flesh on fuel call knowledge and ignorance.
Stand with me o' my favorite nightmare of bliss.
She calls out lovingly, baring no kiss for me.
Oh, wound myself on broken years and healing tendons.
I laugh through freedoms eyes, becoming a haunting burden.
She smiles - her blinding white and sharp death.
The blood of "years gone by slowly", eroding her like acid.
Squirming, I watch liquid love pour from my soul.
Harmless though devastating, I pour it into her,
and she reels, licking her salty lips hungrily.
It is my soul that she wishes to devour.
Incidentally, my handwriting is so bad that I may, though certainly not embellishing on what is original, may have to by no choice, have to alter some of the original context. Not editing, but guessing.
If you fall down from a glass ceiling, you break a metal floor.
Devil's eyes, an angel's heart can claim - no serenity.
Eventually, the persistent screams become surreal whispers.
Lies determined truths by judgemental farces,
and the burning steam is cracked by icy myths.
What is the person who should live though dead?
Where does my temporary casket lie, but in my broken bed?
Buried in some joke of freedom, I laugh myself to tears.
I burn my flesh on fuel call knowledge and ignorance.
Stand with me o' my favorite nightmare of bliss.
She calls out lovingly, baring no kiss for me.
Oh, wound myself on broken years and healing tendons.
I laugh through freedoms eyes, becoming a haunting burden.
She smiles - her blinding white and sharp death.
The blood of "years gone by slowly", eroding her like acid.
Squirming, I watch liquid love pour from my soul.
Harmless though devastating, I pour it into her,
and she reels, licking her salty lips hungrily.
It is my soul that she wishes to devour.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Books Can Be Fun
As a writer, and one that is trying to write a classic, is not easy. It takes moments of great solitude. It takes a butt made of lead. Fingers that are not as addled as the brains. It takes putting words to a page and then making sure that each one has meter and rhythm. It takes research like reading classics and knowing what those authors wrote in order to grasp how a neo-classic is written.
Which bring us to our story:
I am the co-owner of a cafe and bakery in the suburbs of Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. We are busy people, especially now with our beautiful daughter who is entering the "twos" with gusto and a will that I can only describe as angsty. in our minimal time, I write, exercise and make humble attempts to hop on the motorcycle for a romp into the windy roads.
One fine weathery day, I had to forgo a more lengthy ride into the hills of West Virginia for one closer, and to kill two birds with one stone - seeing as how I had just finished reading a book on hiking the Appalachian Trails and needed another, I adorned my black leather jacket, my "brain-bucket", goggles, boots and red bandanna, which fit snugly below my nose.
My wife asked in her winsome and cautiously caring way that I stick to the byways and not the main thoroughfare, as drivers today tend to be ignorant of other drivers - especially motorcyclists. I love the country roads and proceeded to swoop and careen precariously through the valleys and hills, enjoying my romp.
I managed to find my way to a distant and well-stocked used-bookstore and found what I was looking for and proceeded to leave. I do not possess a carrier on my motorcycle to carry such things - at times I wish that I did, so I stuffed the book and bag down the back of my trousers.
Nothing unusual.
My return trip had started off a ripping good time, sweeping in and out of turns and then finally finding myself stuck behind slow moving technofruits, who endanger everyone surrounding them. I decided to take a familiar and usually barren steel-belt, riding parallel to the Ohio River. There are rarely any uniforms on this particular stretch so I allowed the machine to pull hard.
I passed several vehicles and noticed two miles ahead the white spectacle of a white car in uniform and proceeded to slow to what now was a very legal crawl. Alone in front and behind, I watched as the officer's vehicle pulled onto the roadway directly behind me.
I monitored my speed very carefully as I entered my hometown's limits.
35 miles per hour.
Dragging.
I pulled up to a traffic light and then was accosted by three more uniforms. With lights flashing they blocked the road - both ways. I raised my hands. One stocky fellow stepped quickly out of his tan police sedan and pulled his revolver, and another with his hands on his holster approached.
"Turn off the bike!"
I did.
"Turn the key!
I did that too.
"Now - keep your hands where I can see them."
How fast was I going?
"Put you hands on the hood of the car! And I'll explain!"
Isn't this a little extreme for speeding.
"Where are you coming from?"
"Robinson."
They removed the book from my pants. They grabbed my wallet and reached in my jacket for my phone.
And then I "patted" down.
Can they do this for speeding?
"There was a holdup in Aliquippa. The guy was on a motorcycle wearing a black leather jacket, a helmet and a mask."
They opened the pages of my book - flipping through it in haste.
"Sorry, I'm an avid reader."
"Hey, your Rock's brother-in-law! Coffee business must be tough."
Ensuing laughter.
Pre-deficant in my trousers.
"Ah - he's a good guy."
Laughter continues.
"Sorry about the mix-up, sir."
No problem - seriously!
My mother-in-law always tells us that we seem to always have these inexplicable adventures. Not that I recommend this particular one to anyone,but if there is one thing I can tell you it is that stories are not recounted by people who sit and watch TV, proselytizing the end of the world, or by people who need to satisfy a narcissistic urge to tell others about their every excretion, or by sadistic "game players" - they are written by doers with smooth rear-ends and calloused feet.
Which bring us to our story:
I am the co-owner of a cafe and bakery in the suburbs of Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. We are busy people, especially now with our beautiful daughter who is entering the "twos" with gusto and a will that I can only describe as angsty. in our minimal time, I write, exercise and make humble attempts to hop on the motorcycle for a romp into the windy roads.
One fine weathery day, I had to forgo a more lengthy ride into the hills of West Virginia for one closer, and to kill two birds with one stone - seeing as how I had just finished reading a book on hiking the Appalachian Trails and needed another, I adorned my black leather jacket, my "brain-bucket", goggles, boots and red bandanna, which fit snugly below my nose.
My wife asked in her winsome and cautiously caring way that I stick to the byways and not the main thoroughfare, as drivers today tend to be ignorant of other drivers - especially motorcyclists. I love the country roads and proceeded to swoop and careen precariously through the valleys and hills, enjoying my romp.
I managed to find my way to a distant and well-stocked used-bookstore and found what I was looking for and proceeded to leave. I do not possess a carrier on my motorcycle to carry such things - at times I wish that I did, so I stuffed the book and bag down the back of my trousers.
Nothing unusual.
My return trip had started off a ripping good time, sweeping in and out of turns and then finally finding myself stuck behind slow moving technofruits, who endanger everyone surrounding them. I decided to take a familiar and usually barren steel-belt, riding parallel to the Ohio River. There are rarely any uniforms on this particular stretch so I allowed the machine to pull hard.
I passed several vehicles and noticed two miles ahead the white spectacle of a white car in uniform and proceeded to slow to what now was a very legal crawl. Alone in front and behind, I watched as the officer's vehicle pulled onto the roadway directly behind me.
I monitored my speed very carefully as I entered my hometown's limits.
35 miles per hour.
Dragging.
I pulled up to a traffic light and then was accosted by three more uniforms. With lights flashing they blocked the road - both ways. I raised my hands. One stocky fellow stepped quickly out of his tan police sedan and pulled his revolver, and another with his hands on his holster approached.
"Turn off the bike!"
I did.
"Turn the key!
I did that too.
"Now - keep your hands where I can see them."
How fast was I going?
"Put you hands on the hood of the car! And I'll explain!"
Isn't this a little extreme for speeding.
"Where are you coming from?"
"Robinson."
They removed the book from my pants. They grabbed my wallet and reached in my jacket for my phone.
And then I "patted" down.
Can they do this for speeding?
"There was a holdup in Aliquippa. The guy was on a motorcycle wearing a black leather jacket, a helmet and a mask."
They opened the pages of my book - flipping through it in haste.
"Sorry, I'm an avid reader."
"Hey, your Rock's brother-in-law! Coffee business must be tough."
Ensuing laughter.
Pre-deficant in my trousers.
"Ah - he's a good guy."
Laughter continues.
"Sorry about the mix-up, sir."
No problem - seriously!
My mother-in-law always tells us that we seem to always have these inexplicable adventures. Not that I recommend this particular one to anyone,but if there is one thing I can tell you it is that stories are not recounted by people who sit and watch TV, proselytizing the end of the world, or by people who need to satisfy a narcissistic urge to tell others about their every excretion, or by sadistic "game players" - they are written by doers with smooth rear-ends and calloused feet.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
A Franc for your Nothing
Those moviephiles who enjoy viewing the classics, will no doubt remember the dialogue between Ric and Ilsa:
More than likely Humphrey Bogart was thinking nothing, and that sounds like a bargain that might be too good to be true. Get a penny for doing and thinking absolutely nothing.
Men are often asked this question when there are those remote and welcomed silences between partners.
No stereotyping about either sex; however, ladies can not wrap their minds around the concept of "nothing".
One would not call the man's mind, at this point, a black hole - after all a black hole is something.
As if coming out of a trance:
It has been said that Buddha searched for nothingness or emptiness. Guys have been doing this forever. Perhaps Buddha was raised by women who could not allow him to embrace this ideological behavior pattern exclusive to men - along with others like autogenitaliodisplasia, rancid hyper-dyspepsia, and belching, and quite probably all three at the same time.
To allay any fears or suspicion, let it be said that 99.9% of the time that a man states that he is thinking nothing, you may rest with a great deal of certainty that nothing is exactly what he mauling over, but even that is thinking something.
Never mind.
Have you ever heard yourself blink? Isn't it glorious?
A franc for your thoughts.
In America they'd bring only a penny, and, huh, I guess that's about all they're worth.
More than likely Humphrey Bogart was thinking nothing, and that sounds like a bargain that might be too good to be true. Get a penny for doing and thinking absolutely nothing.
Men are often asked this question when there are those remote and welcomed silences between partners.
What are you thinking?
No stereotyping about either sex; however, ladies can not wrap their minds around the concept of "nothing".
Nothing.
What do you mean "nothing"?
One would not call the man's mind, at this point, a black hole - after all a black hole is something.
You must be thinking something.
As if coming out of a trance:
uh-uh.
It has been said that Buddha searched for nothingness or emptiness. Guys have been doing this forever. Perhaps Buddha was raised by women who could not allow him to embrace this ideological behavior pattern exclusive to men - along with others like autogenitaliodisplasia, rancid hyper-dyspepsia, and belching, and quite probably all three at the same time.
To allay any fears or suspicion, let it be said that 99.9% of the time that a man states that he is thinking nothing, you may rest with a great deal of certainty that nothing is exactly what he mauling over, but even that is thinking something.
Never mind.
Have you ever heard yourself blink? Isn't it glorious?
Saturday, June 26, 2010
My Enlarged Prostrate
I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me, and the cost is more than I can bear. Benjamin Martin "The Patriot"
These words strike and ring more disdainfully to me more than they ever have.
As I watch my daughter grow from infant to toddler and beyond, I can not help but pray that she does not do all of the selfish things or experience all of the selfish and self-indulgent arrogant philandering and behavior that I dished out.
I listened to a young man just the other night, brashly speak in front of his fiance and my wife of exploits that pale by comparison to my own; I sat quietly, and later my wife asked why I was so quiet gently stroking the dewy glass of beer at our table, and with a simple glance from my sad eyes, she knew.
My past is racy - and I am not proud of it, though I must admit I was then. Like an unstoppable hormonal rage, I played the roll of biker, rocker, and playboy, as if the ramifications of any and all my actions amounted to nothing. I hurt people, mostly women.
Without going into too great of detail, I can tell you that I have sewn my wild oats and scorched the earth behind me. I have seen many tears. I have had stalkers. I have nearly been run through with a kitchen knife. I fell from grace and after 9/11 it hurt.
The culmination of all of my sins hit. I became reclusive, not wanting to associate myself with anyone, disappearing back to a land where I was infinitely successful. I believed that trying to off myself was a good idea. I believed that sleeping around with reckless abandon again was the only way of reclaiming my lost youth, and that led to alot of additional anguish.
Stupid. Sad arrogance.
It has been said that to reminisce and to be discouraged by our past is a waste of time, and I believe it to be true, but as old pictures come to the surface from some long forgone box and explanations droll onward, so to does a personal history - living, breathing coolly on orange embers.
My daughter, not even two, giggles at the lion's mane of hair, the rage of my unwrinkled youth, the people in some of those pictures.
She does not know yet of my successes and losses, and my rotten ways - about which, though I fear the day, must tell her. And explain why people tick one way and tock quite another. I must tell her of the wrongs in my addictions. I must tell her why I can love her mother - my wife the way I can and do. And why her mother and she are the most important people in the world to me.
I am not proud. What is there after all to be proud of? I have lost whatever was gained then, and was stripped to nothing, and because of that haughty history, I stand apathetically as a sociopath, not remembering people's names and not wishing to get involved in their pursuits. I make jokes to cover my iniquities; my "funny" is a grossly exaggerated defense mechanism. I force myself into pseudointellectual profundities to cover my stupidity. And exercise to cover my flabby sloth and miscreancy.
I ask for your forgiveness.
These words strike and ring more disdainfully to me more than they ever have.
As I watch my daughter grow from infant to toddler and beyond, I can not help but pray that she does not do all of the selfish things or experience all of the selfish and self-indulgent arrogant philandering and behavior that I dished out.
I listened to a young man just the other night, brashly speak in front of his fiance and my wife of exploits that pale by comparison to my own; I sat quietly, and later my wife asked why I was so quiet gently stroking the dewy glass of beer at our table, and with a simple glance from my sad eyes, she knew.
My past is racy - and I am not proud of it, though I must admit I was then. Like an unstoppable hormonal rage, I played the roll of biker, rocker, and playboy, as if the ramifications of any and all my actions amounted to nothing. I hurt people, mostly women.
Without going into too great of detail, I can tell you that I have sewn my wild oats and scorched the earth behind me. I have seen many tears. I have had stalkers. I have nearly been run through with a kitchen knife. I fell from grace and after 9/11 it hurt.
The culmination of all of my sins hit. I became reclusive, not wanting to associate myself with anyone, disappearing back to a land where I was infinitely successful. I believed that trying to off myself was a good idea. I believed that sleeping around with reckless abandon again was the only way of reclaiming my lost youth, and that led to alot of additional anguish.
Stupid. Sad arrogance.
It has been said that to reminisce and to be discouraged by our past is a waste of time, and I believe it to be true, but as old pictures come to the surface from some long forgone box and explanations droll onward, so to does a personal history - living, breathing coolly on orange embers.
My daughter, not even two, giggles at the lion's mane of hair, the rage of my unwrinkled youth, the people in some of those pictures.
She does not know yet of my successes and losses, and my rotten ways - about which, though I fear the day, must tell her. And explain why people tick one way and tock quite another. I must tell her of the wrongs in my addictions. I must tell her why I can love her mother - my wife the way I can and do. And why her mother and she are the most important people in the world to me.
I am not proud. What is there after all to be proud of? I have lost whatever was gained then, and was stripped to nothing, and because of that haughty history, I stand apathetically as a sociopath, not remembering people's names and not wishing to get involved in their pursuits. I make jokes to cover my iniquities; my "funny" is a grossly exaggerated defense mechanism. I force myself into pseudointellectual profundities to cover my stupidity. And exercise to cover my flabby sloth and miscreancy.
I ask for your forgiveness.
Friday, June 25, 2010
The Last Whimsy
Try, if you will, to imagine yourself soaking up the warm summer sun. Bask in its bright yellowy-orange glow. Feel those tiny little hairs on your arms, rise and change, as your skin begins to absorb all of those wonderful rays and that vitamin D that is so essential to your vitality.
Now imagine, an obscure idea tickling your fancy - an idea that is both desired and dutifully needed in order for you to fulfill your paternal or maternal instincts. The end result comes to you in a flash and the searing imagery burned into you retinas as though you had stared at photograph or stone-emblazed tombstone for too long - its remaining shadows however are those of a child's warm smile and a wife's satisfaction and wanton desire.
Imagine you want to - nay must rise and begin to tinker with this whimsy that has covered you like a wet leather strap.
You begin. The fervor strikes you. Your wallet shivers under the might of parasitic consumerism as your feet lead to an ominous blue and white sign with a name that strikes fear and admiration into any novice craftsman. You see it in the back of the store in brilliant white - a deep-welled tub, sparkling in virgin faux-porcelain. You demand it, a surround, paint, brushes, fixtures, primer for the paint, more brushes, ceramic tile, knives, more PVC, more copper, blue tape, screws, 2X4s, sand, safety goggles, Band-Aids, grout, three more floor tiles, new blades for the new knives. Imagine vultures viciously claiming rights to your hard-earned greenbacks, clutched tightly in your fist.
It only takes 15 trips.
The wet leather whimsy begins to tighten.
Hammer in hand; you strike at various places in the wall. You remember to shut the water off before you destroy everything.
You confidently convince your beloved and yourself that it will only take a few short days to complete the project, and decide to shack up with your in-laws while the project goes through its phases - and you are eternally grateful, assuring them that all will be over with before they know it.
You crawl under the crawl space a cool but dirty and dark space barely big enough for you and your breath. You feel as though you are in the KuChi tunnels of Vietnam. And fear grips you in the dark.
Pounding from above.
Imagine you are the one to enter this cave, with light and equipment and saws and hammers, buckets, and wrenches. You imagine the deep rich fulfillment of pride, which though you place the thought of it "begetting the fall", resides in your new found handimannerisms. You imagine the end result - happy toddler, proud wife, a personal and uninterrupted soak -and you smile.
Days turn into nights and back into days. The sun outside has become an oppressive orb of heat and frustration.
You remember the words of the neighbor contractor, his words still clinging in the air that it would take weeks and not just a few simple days. The old tub weighs no less than a white bull-rhinoceros - you swear as you push it out the door.
Days turn into night and back again, but no sleep for you.
You laugh as that wet leather whimsy tightens as it dries in the sun, and you remember that the Natives used this as a torture to death device.
You remember that you were writing a pseudo-intellectual fable - timely, poignant and pretentious with its French lilt, and well placed adjectives. You remember that motorcycle in the garage, now covered in gypsum dust - those miles you expected to squeak out before riding season ended.
You laugh and nothing is funny.
You help yourself to a cigarette and yet you do not smoke.
You swear and your words hang in the air as though in a Dagwood Bumstead cartoon, because we all know that it is not about Blondie.
The whimsy tightens.
One more time into the crawl space.
One more time to the home and hardware store to open your wallet one more time.
One more time to sleep on the floor in your in-laws place, for which you are eternally grateful. And in order for the baby and you to sleep peaceably the carpet is your domain.
You return to the job. And you do it again...
Rinse and repeat.
The job is done - sort of. Your body and mind (should you still have one) return - sort of.
The baby takes a very happy bath with bubbles and splashing and angry screams as you pour water on her head and it gets in her face.
Your turn.
You consider the idea of the whimsy and make a decision to reconsider doing it again - in the far, far, far future. And you soak.
Now imagine, an obscure idea tickling your fancy - an idea that is both desired and dutifully needed in order for you to fulfill your paternal or maternal instincts. The end result comes to you in a flash and the searing imagery burned into you retinas as though you had stared at photograph or stone-emblazed tombstone for too long - its remaining shadows however are those of a child's warm smile and a wife's satisfaction and wanton desire.
Imagine you want to - nay must rise and begin to tinker with this whimsy that has covered you like a wet leather strap.
You begin. The fervor strikes you. Your wallet shivers under the might of parasitic consumerism as your feet lead to an ominous blue and white sign with a name that strikes fear and admiration into any novice craftsman. You see it in the back of the store in brilliant white - a deep-welled tub, sparkling in virgin faux-porcelain. You demand it, a surround, paint, brushes, fixtures, primer for the paint, more brushes, ceramic tile, knives, more PVC, more copper, blue tape, screws, 2X4s, sand, safety goggles, Band-Aids, grout, three more floor tiles, new blades for the new knives. Imagine vultures viciously claiming rights to your hard-earned greenbacks, clutched tightly in your fist.
It only takes 15 trips.
The wet leather whimsy begins to tighten.
Hammer in hand; you strike at various places in the wall. You remember to shut the water off before you destroy everything.
You confidently convince your beloved and yourself that it will only take a few short days to complete the project, and decide to shack up with your in-laws while the project goes through its phases - and you are eternally grateful, assuring them that all will be over with before they know it.
You crawl under the crawl space a cool but dirty and dark space barely big enough for you and your breath. You feel as though you are in the KuChi tunnels of Vietnam. And fear grips you in the dark.
Pounding from above.
Imagine you are the one to enter this cave, with light and equipment and saws and hammers, buckets, and wrenches. You imagine the deep rich fulfillment of pride, which though you place the thought of it "begetting the fall", resides in your new found handimannerisms. You imagine the end result - happy toddler, proud wife, a personal and uninterrupted soak -and you smile.
Days turn into nights and back into days. The sun outside has become an oppressive orb of heat and frustration.
You remember the words of the neighbor contractor, his words still clinging in the air that it would take weeks and not just a few simple days. The old tub weighs no less than a white bull-rhinoceros - you swear as you push it out the door.
Days turn into night and back again, but no sleep for you.
You laugh as that wet leather whimsy tightens as it dries in the sun, and you remember that the Natives used this as a torture to death device.
You remember that you were writing a pseudo-intellectual fable - timely, poignant and pretentious with its French lilt, and well placed adjectives. You remember that motorcycle in the garage, now covered in gypsum dust - those miles you expected to squeak out before riding season ended.
You laugh and nothing is funny.
You help yourself to a cigarette and yet you do not smoke.
You swear and your words hang in the air as though in a Dagwood Bumstead cartoon, because we all know that it is not about Blondie.
The whimsy tightens.
One more time into the crawl space.
One more time to the home and hardware store to open your wallet one more time.
One more time to sleep on the floor in your in-laws place, for which you are eternally grateful. And in order for the baby and you to sleep peaceably the carpet is your domain.
You return to the job. And you do it again...
Rinse and repeat.
The job is done - sort of. Your body and mind (should you still have one) return - sort of.
The baby takes a very happy bath with bubbles and splashing and angry screams as you pour water on her head and it gets in her face.
Your turn.
You consider the idea of the whimsy and make a decision to reconsider doing it again - in the far, far, far future. And you soak.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)